what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
