Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
