So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
