I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
