Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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