I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
