You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
