Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
