You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
