So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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