if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
