I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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