Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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