Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
