you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
