So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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