i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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