You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
