So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
