I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
