so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
