I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
