you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
