we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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