I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
