My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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