They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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