if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
