Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
A+ Viking dick
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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