dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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