I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
