Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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