So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
