so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
