I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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