had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
