Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm jealous of your bromance
Is it because I queefed?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
