i just had sex bonerless
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
