New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
