He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
