You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
try to milk me bitch
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
