So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
