: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
