So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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