Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
