I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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