College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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