I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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