Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
