I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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