i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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