Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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