If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
