My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
