That reminds me...we need to get swords
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
